The Image in the Mirror

A few days ago I stopped at a gas station to get gas and go in a get a coffee; a simple task and mission for the evening. I filled my coffee cup to the brim, grabbed an energy drink for the morning to come, and ventured towards the counter to purchase my items. This white guy, only a little older than myself I assume, was standing happy and quite energetically at the counter and so of course a small conversation ensued between the two of us. Nothing abnormal... But then the man glances down to the gold and amethyst stones dangling on my chest. Then he glances towards my eyes and simply asks " Are you Hindu?"
My initial thoughts?... Hindu? Did he really just ask if I was Hindu? I'm white... obviously. What on earth?
I thought the man was crazy, honestly and momentarily.
Soon he clarified that the Indian/Hindu style gold figure hanging along with my necklace gave him the idea.
I quickly of course answered that I am not Hindu and then stood in silent astonishment at my own subconscious and impulse questioning.

Why? Was it a necessary thought for me to assume this man was crazy for thinking a random Caucasian woman could practice Hinduism on her own time?

Well it certainly isn't an abnormal thought process. The majority of people today, are obsessed with something as simple as the word "image." Even from the time we are children we are brainwashed into believing that the only way you will every be pretty and have a perfect life is if you have the unrealistic figure of Barbie, marry Ken and live in the Dream House... A realistic situation for the majority of middle aged individuals today? Obviously not. So why do we still try? Why do we kill ourselves over such things?

A few days back I was getting dressed for my brother's orchestra recital. I had on nice slacks and one of my favorite new tops i got for christmas. I danced around the house after getting dressed, looking for my make up and jewelry and after finding it i stepped back into my room, slipped in front of the mirror and.... I was disgusted. I stood there, shoulders now slumped, looking at my body, just my body. I twisted and turned in a melancholy body language state. Dakota told me " Haley, you're killing yourself on the inside."

I've come to a realization, a very simple one about the majority of people today. We do not look in the mirror at ourselves enough. One night, Phillip made up a lyric, "I've never seen my own smile," and i realized that for many, this is true. Not to long ago, I sat in front of the mirror staring at my own eyes for at least a good 15 to 20 minutes straight. I felt completely disassociated from my own body. The majority of people today only pause to look at their reflection, the reflection of this meat puppet body that we all inhabit for a short time here on earth. Our initial reaction to looking at our own reflection is obviously to associate it with our thoughts. If you see from this body and operate this body then you must be this body, but thats not the case. You stand there, change outfits five different times in order for your ass and thighs to look perfectly formed and your stomach to look as flat as it possibly can, but what do your eyes look like?

They say that eyes are the window to the soul, a rather cliche statement but one of nearly terrifying beauty. It's said everywhere, all the time, countless times a year it's uttered between a person's lips, but, how many people in our society actually pause on a daily basis to look at themselves? Sadly, not too many...

Because of our attachment to the "norm" and to our society, we often completely lose track of the thought that our souls are completely separate from our body. They only join forces for the years here in life and even during that timespan, people forget to bring their soul to the surface, they only care about their image...

I remember in high school we dissected eyeballs once, and up until this point I didn't know much about the actually physicality of them even though my photography and art showed I was obviously obsessed with them for some unknown reason... When I found out the pupil is actually a hole, my mind was of course blown just like many other children I assume, and I remember thinking, "well, whats IN there?"

Well, go take a look...

Theres a line in a song by Animal Collective where he says " Am I really all the things that are outside of me?" and I think its a beautiful line if one really thinks about it momentarily. What do the majority of people spend their days stressing over? Things about their image of course. They start becoming everything they absorb with their five simple senses. But this is all ego, and when you manage to escape from all the masks and paint that is constantly slathered over peoples faces, you realize that growing in consciousness is light years better than a constant paranoia to be or become "perfect."

I once imagined the idea of "perfection." I imagined, what if you could take a photograph of the entire world every single moment and be able to see everything is extreme detail if you so chose to zoom to such lengths? Would each photographic moment not be beautiful? Would it not be pleasing to what your eyes saw pleasurable?

The 300 pound woman sitting on the couch is in that photograph somewhere. The man with scars all over his body is in that image somewhere. Everything "ugly" or made up of imperfections is in my image somewhere at sometime in some moment of the now. But each of those imperfections is as shallow as infinity and as deep as you could ever imagine.

You just have to look into their eyes...

Don't Let the Boulevard Knock You Down...

I've started to realize that the majority of people today are living our lives completely and utterly wrong.
Do you ever walk down the street and see someone smiling at a tree because its simply beautiful? Do you ever do the same ourself? Do you ever stop worrying about what other people thing and take a second to stare at yourself in the mirror to see what you think about the person standing there?

A few months ago I met this guy who completely changed my life, and surprisingly, I am not talking about the love of my life... No, this guy changed me in other ways. He wasn't the guy standing there telling me I look beautiful everyday but he was the one who somehow in one magic hour got it into my head that everything I had ever looked at in this life and every thought I had ever pursued, was indeed, flawed or simply there because of what Society had told me. And for that, Luis, well, I thank you... 


And one of the biggest things he has taught me is this: We do not live life the way in which we should. And the thought? well, it simply brings tears to my eyes.

A few days ago I was talking to one of best friends/ex's and we discussed this basic idea. throughout the conversation I realized that too many people are caught up paying too much attention to other people... People worry too much about what another person is going to think rather than what their natural thoughts and desires tell them. What if instead of wondering how your parents would react to your confession of some secret crime, you told them, with a pre-exsisting acceptance that no matter what, your thoughts on the situation were the only ones that mattered?

What if every time you felt something, you stopped to actually look at it and not let the people walking quickly down the boulevard knock you over...? They aren't the ones who are better off...